Once Loved - Chapter One
Chapter One
Once Loved
My duffel bag slapped against my back as I hurried through the athletics
center, my steps slowing as I passed a group of soccer players. “Isn’t that
Lety Tres Santos?” the girl in the center asked her teammates. “The one whose
tripped-out father beat up the campus police?”
I whirled around. “Yup. That’s me.” They exchanged stunned glances. They
hadn’t expected me to respond and weren’t prepared for my reaction. “Anything
else you want to know?”
The three of them shut their mouths. It was easy for them to talk. Their
fathers hadn’t arrived out of control. Their fathers weren’t ex-cons in and out
of jail. And their fathers hadn’t spent a lifetime hurting them. I couldn’t say
the same.
Carlos had arrived on campus only one other time, demanding money for
drugs. If there hadn’t been witnesses, he would’ve struck me for denying him.
My father was many things: an addict, bipolar, and an all-around asshole.
Stupid was not one of his traits. So he’d left, but not before calling me a
bitch in front of my friends.
One of the other girls shrugged. “Melody didn’t mean anything by it,” she
said. “She was just asking.”
“There are better
things to ask about,” I responded.
I stormed away. My mind insisted I should let the comments and attention
roll off my back. Saint Jude’s was a small private college with a little more
than two thousand students living on campus. Word traveled fast, and when the
rest of the students arrived in two days’ time, it would travel even faster.
But eventually, everyone would forget.
Except maybe me.
I pushed open the glass doors that led out of the athletics center. Two
girls walking toward the building with volleyballs tucked under their arms saw
me as I stepped out. One motioned to me with a jerk of her chin and spoke
quietly to her friend.
Gee, I wonder what they’re talking about?
I continued forward without another glance their way. I couldn’t fight
everyone in the world, it was too damn exhausting. So I cut left in the
direction of the soccer field, where a few players remained. Although I wasn’t
anywhere near them, they stopped kicking the ball to watch me as I passed.
Shame made me want to cower and lower my head. Instead I forced my chin up. I
was a tough Philly girl, after all, even though I was all but sobbing on the inside.
I trained my eyes ahead, toward where the athletics fields ended and
cross-country trails leading into the woods began. If I could just make it
there, I’d find some solace from the whispers and judgmental stares. At least,
that was what I’d hoped.
The late August breeze rustled the leaves in the trees just as I stepped
onto the trail, fanning my long dark hair around me. I breathed in deep,
enjoying the fresh air and the quiet surroundings. Despite the drama of the
previous day and the negative attention it had brought me, I really loved it
here and preferred the campus’s remote location to Philly’s loud streets and
obnoxious hustle.
Located in a small town just outside Allentown, Saint Jude’s was
surrounded by acres of one of two things: woods or cornfields. The
cross-country trails weaving through the woods served the athletes for one hell
of an endurance run, and underage drinkers for a place to hold their illegal
keg parties. You could be spun out of your mind, but if you followed any path,
it would lead you out to the sports fields or to the main road. The cornfields
were mostly used for hooking up or for freshman initiation, where first-year
students streaked through the tall stalks in exchange for five-dollar T-shirts.
I shouldn’t have grinned, considering my day, except that I did. The
cornfield streak was the first time Brody and I had seen each other naked. And
yeah, we still wore our five-dollar T- shirts.
My smile faded. Brody, God, Brody.
What was I going to do about him? He was sweet, and smart, and good to me. But
I wasn’t good for him, even though I really wanted to be.
My anxious steps slowed the more I thought of him. We’d met in chemistry
class at the beginning of our freshman year. He introduced himself as only
Brody could, by nailing me in the head with a crumpled ball of paper. I’d
glared at him over my shoulder. “Do that again, and I’ll kick your ass, pretty
boy,” I’d warned.
He’d smirked.
“You think I’m pretty?”
No, I think
you’re hotter than Alex Pettyfer standing in hell, I didn’t
say. Instead, “Pretty damn obnoxious” was my response. I’d turned around when
the prof stepped into the lecture hall, stiffening when I heard
paper crumpling behind
me. I’d booted
my laptop, certain
he wouldn’t have the stones, when another ball of paper
bounced off my head. Like a knee-jerk reaction, I flung my chemistry book at
him. Brody caught it before it struck him in the ribs. Instead of getting
pissed, he’d laughed and offered me a ride after class.
We’d spent the remainder of the year practically inseparable, but it
wasn’t until the start of the next semester that we became more than close
friends. What sucked was that it didn’t last.
Thanks to Carlos, again.
My two-hour crew practice had been brutal, but it was the thoughts of my
family that left me suddenly tired. I left the trail after another five minutes
of walking and crossed the road. I wasn’t ready to head back to my room, so I
veered into the small reflection garden at the top of the hill. I took a seat
on one of the wooden benches, allowing my duffel bag to fall onto the gravel
walkway. I liked it here and visited often. It provided me with a sense of calm
I’d always craved as a child. Simple, easy, not something I had to seek beneath
my bed when I was scared.
This time, the peace didn’t last, and I wasn’t alone for long. A parade
of steps thundered to my left. I glanced up and saw the members of our lacrosse
team jogging toward me on their way to the trails. They all ran shirtless
except for Brody. As co-captain, he raced in the lead alongside his friend
Logan.
Lacrosse wouldn’t start until next semester. But Saint Jude’s had won the
Division III NCAA championship the last two years. The coach planned to keep
the title and made them train long before their first game took place.
Brody’s gaze flickered when he saw me. My body tensed. I hadn’t been
prepared to see him, but I shouldn’t have been so shocked. The team ran the
campus’s perimeter at the end of each practice and finished where the cross-country
trails opened to the sports fields.
He slowed to a stop. His teammates for the most part continued without
him, tossing me a glance before crossing the road and disappearing into the
trails. The few who remained watched me carefully. “Bro, come on,” Isaac Parker
urged.
“I’ll catch you guys later.” Brody joined me at the bench, placing one
foot on the seat to stretch. “Hey, Lety.”
Isaac spoke to Brody like I wasn’t even there. “You sure you want to do
this? Her dad’s pretty fucked up.”
Brody rose to his full height. “So’s anyone caught jerking off to
cartoons while wearing pink underwear.” He shrugged. “But I still hang with
you.”
A couple of the guys laughed out loud as Isaac’s face deepened to red.
Brody smirked. “No worries, Isaac. You’re not the first guy to— Wait, never
mind. You probably are. Still, it’s nothing
to be ashamed of, dude. You just keep doing your thing—and maybe next time try
old episodes of Baywatch instead of
cartoons. It might be less creepy.”
Isaac backed
away, scowling, before taking off with the rest of the team behind him. “Later,
Lety,” Logan called with a wave.
“Later,” I said, although likely
too quiet for Logan to hear. Brody plopped down on the bench beside me. I
pulled at the edges of my shorts; it was better than facing him. “Thanks.”
“Rough day?”
I sighed. “You
could say that.”
Brody played with
the wavy strands of my hair, his deep voice lowering. “Why didn’t you call me
last night, or text me back today?”
“Didn’t really
feel like talking.”
“Even to me? We
used to talk about everything, remember?” He let out a breath when I wouldn’t
answer. “Letz, I thought we were starting to get somewhere.”
His other nickname for me
shouldn’t have tugged on my heart the way it did, but everything “Brody” had
that effect on me. “I thought so, too.”
“What changed?”
I motioned to
where his teammates disappeared. “Isn’t it obvious? My batshit crazy father
showed up, reminding me why you’re better off without me.”
Brody dragged
his fingers through his chin-length blond hair. “I can’t believe you’re doing
this to us again.”
My hands fell to my side. “Brody,
I’m not trying to hurt you. Why can’t you just accept that I’m not the best
person for you?”
“Why can’t you accept what you mean to
me?”
My head lowered. I wasn’t the type of girl who cried much. But when it
came to him, it was impossible to fight back the tears. Someone like Brody was
never supposed to fall for someone like me. I was a minority from the wrong
side of town. He was the popular athlete who came from wealth and who all the
pretty, drama-free girls swarmed, waiting for their chance to pounce.
“Because we don’t
belong together,” I answered truthfully.
“That doesn’t make sense. We spent our first year attached at the hip,
having fun, raising hell.” His tone deepened. “And when you finally wised up
and realized how bad I wanted you, no one could pry us apart.”
I covered my eyes. “Brody, don’t. I can’t think about us that way.”
“And I can’t stop.” His large hands enclosed my wrists and slowly lowered
them. “I meant what I said at camp. You fucking broke my heart.”
Sadness and anger crossed his features, but he wasn’t the only one
affected by what I’d done. My voice trembled. “Do you think it was easy for me
to let you go? You weren’t the only one crushed. I cried every day for a month
when we broke up.”
“Then why did you do it? And why are you
doing this now?”
My vision blurred as I thought about that horrible day when I severed our
relationship. Carlos had busted my nose and given me a concussion after
arriving coked up at a family party. Brody had watched the blood pouring out of
me, unable to break free from the men holding him back. I would have given
anything to spare him from that part of my life. Instead he’d seen it all.
“I’ll never be good enough for you, and you know it.”
“You’re wrong.” He drew me to him. His lips pushed against me until mine
parted and allowed him in. I shouldn’t have. I knew I shouldn’t have, but my
resolve crumbled and I gave in, linking my arms around his neck.
His strong arms wrapped around my waist and he deepened our kiss. His
tongue flicked over mine, circling and taunting me to play. My spine arched as
he pulled me tighter against his body. He hadn’t kissed me since the day I
walked away, and now I didn’t want him to stop.
I moaned softly, returning his show of affection with equal force and
enthusiasm. God, I’d missed that mouth. Our kiss intensified, turning into
more. We took our time, as if nothing else mattered. When we finally parted, we
were both panting.
“We shouldn’t have done that,” I told him.
He
smirked. “Yeah, we should’ve. Truth is, I don’t know why we stopped.” I edged
away when he tried to kiss me again, wishing life were that easy.
Brody cupped my chin, tilting it gently so I’d meet his face. “Letz, come
on. We’re better off together than apart.”
I lowered my
lashes. “You can’t mean that.”
“Yeah, I do. I
spent all last year trying like hell to get over you.”
My hands splayed across the bulky muscles of his broad chest. This time
it was my turn to smirk. “Oh, yeah. I saw all the girls offering to help you
out with your dilemma.”
He cocked his head to the side. “Just like I saw you and Justin
Kalabrowski making out at the No-Pants dance.”
“I wasn’t making out with him.”
“Yeah, you were.
You were in the hall near the bathroom and it took everything I had not to pound the
shit out of him.”
I raised my eyebrows. “I would think Karen Enderson, your date for the
evening, would have had a problem with that. Or was it Linda Marrington? Or
Jessica Gustfenson? Or Cindy Vincent? Hmmm, maybe I’m confusing them with
Lissette Miller.” I tapped my fingers against him. “Did I miss anyone?”
He grinned.
“Wendy Jenner.”
My teeth clenched. “Oh, yes, good ol’ Wendy. The girl who yodels during
sex. How could I forget?”
“I hear it’s not really a yodel, more like an excited vibrato.” He
laughed when I did, but then his expression grew somber. “For the record, none
of them meant anything. Just girls I went out with a few times.”
I smiled softly. “And for the record, I
didn’t kiss Justin. He kissed me.”
He rolled his
eyes. “Lety, I saw you. The guy was on you like a piece of duct tape.”
“If you saw that, did you see me knee him in the nuts when I told him to
stop and he wouldn’t?”
Anger
tightened his muscles and deepened his voice. “No. I didn’t.” “Well, that’s
what happened.”
“I always hated that kid. Remind me to beat his ass next time I see him.”
My head fell against his chest when he pulled me closer. I listened to the
steady beat of his strong heart, feeling a sense of peace I hadn’t felt in forever.
“It
didn’t work, you know,” he said after a long moment. “What didn’t work?”
“Dating all those girls. I never got over
you.”
I clutched the fabric of his gray T-shirt. I knew what he meant. The few
dates my girlfriends had talked me into going on were boring at best. None of
those guys drew an easy smile or made me happy like Brody did. None of them
made me feel sexy and wanted. Brody had been my everything, except I knew that
I couldn’t offer him everything in return.
His hands trailed further down my back. “If you didn’t want me, Lety, I
swear to God I’d walk away. But you do. I see the way you look at me. And I can
tell by the way you kissed me.”
“It was never
that I didn’t want you, Brody. I was only trying to spare you from me.”
Brody strengthened his hold. “Letz, I’m not going to pretend like your
family isn’t messed up. But if you think you’re the only one with a fucked-up
past, you’re wrong.”
His tone had gathered a strange and
dangerous edge, and it scared me. “What are you talking about?”
He loosened his
hold and dropped his arms away, angling his head to the side. “Never mind.”
“Brody—”
He stood and
placed his hands on his hips, staring hard at the ground. For a minute, I thought he was going to bolt. I rose. “What is it?”
He worked his jaw. “Not now, okay?”
The way he said
it made me think there would never be a good time. I reached for his hands and
held them tight.
He met my gaze
then and gave our hands one hell of a squeeze. “I want another chance with you.
Will you let it happen?”
Despite our kiss, I wasn’t convinced we
would make it even if we tried. We were just so different. “I don’t know if I can, baby.
Maybe we’re better off being friends.”
He laughed softly
and gathered me to him again. “You can’t call me ‘baby’ like you used to and
expect me to just be your friend.”
“Even if it’s the best thing for you?”
He stopped
smiling then. “You’re the best thing
for me. You just don’t know it yet.”
His tone, and his stare drilling into mine, held me in place. My new
iPhone, a gift from my brother, buzzed in my duffel bag, giving me an excuse to
slip from his hold. I rummaged through the extra pair of sweats and pulled it
out to check the screen. It was a text from Dean Riley.
Lety, are you available to meet me in my office
first thing in the morning?
I groaned, knowing
it wasn’t good news. I spoke into my phone to iMessage her a text.
I can be there at
eight-thirty. Does that work?
It didn’t take her long to respond. Yes. I’ll see you then.
Brody frowned.
“What’s up?”
I tapped my
finger on the back of the phone, debating whether or not to tell him. “The dean
called me this morning. The O’Sullivans are revoking my scholarship.”
“Because
of what Carlos did?” Brody swore when I nodded. “They can’t do that.” “It’s a
private college and a private donation.”
“And it’s bullshit discrimination.”
I shook my head.
“Not if they’re claiming it’s because of lack of funds.”
“Fucking
asshats.”
Yeah, pretty
much. “The dean is trying to see about getting me a loan.”
He huffed. “A
loan? Come on, with your background and grades, you should be eligible for
aid.”
“I maxed out everything I’m
eligible for. With tuition rising as it has, I needed that scholarship to stay
in school.” I kicked at the gravel at my feet. “I may have to get another job.”
Brody
threw out a hand. “You’re already going to be working your ass off as it is.”
“I don’t have a choice.”
His stare locked on to mine. “Yeah, you
do. I could just give you the money.”
I straightened. Brody drove a Porsche, came from money, and everyone knew
it. Many a gold-digging skank had tried to make him her sugar daddy. I wouldn’t
be one of them. And I wouldn’t be my mother. She showed me that I should never
rely on a man—for anything.
I
snagged my duffel bag. “I’ll take care of it, don’t worry about me.” “Lety—”
“I’ll be fine.” I hurried down
the path toward the residential town homes where I lived, wishing like hell I
could just let him go. I meant what I said, Brody deserved better than me.
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